One Year Later...

We are now into a full year dealing with COVID-19. It seems like it's been about 5 years. I took Kylie to get tested today, so this will be her third time to be tested. It hit her grade pretty hard at school so she's enjoying online school in the comforts of her own bed... her favorite place to be:) Adam and I both went through a period of time where we were extremely fatigued, so I wouldn't be surprised if we already had it at some point.  I did not think we would still be dealing with the intensity of this virus here a year later. We are living in history being made. If I never hear the words "uncertain times" or "wear a mask" or "socially distance" again, that will be just fine with me. 

Last month I have officially been with C.C. Creations for 20 years! Ummmmm, what? I was barely out of college and the idea of adulting was exciting. I remember being so tired from working a full day that I would drive home and nap at lunch. I missed those afternoons off my senior year at BU. Those were the days! I don't feel old enough to have done a job for 20 years.  I'm quite the anomaly these days.  People don't stay in one place this long anymore. Jumping from job to job is more the norm now. I guess it's a testament to two things about me - I'm not a fan of change and I'm loyal to my core. 

We are getting another puppy on Saturday. We've lost our minds. For real. We've lost it. If you had asked me this time last year if we would be getting another dog, I would have said there was zero chance. Yet, here we are and Ranger is coming home on Saturday. Five people, three dogs, one cat, and one fish. Sounds completely normal. I'm hoping Gunner and Zoey will show him the ropes and enjoy the little guy. I'm anxious to see how quickly he learns from them. We need some excitement and puppy cuteness to brighten things up around here.

Adam said he wanted to put up lots of trees in the house this year, like a winter wonderland. I told him I'd make him a special tree with bags of snacks on it so he wouldn't have to go far when he needed a snack.  We could have all kinds of theme trees going on. One of my favorite trees of all times was the tree at apartment in Waco. If I remember correctly, we decorated it with beer cans and one of those cheesy plastic, gold stars on top. It was hideous and awesome. Sometimes we all need a little hideous and awesome. Looking back at the way I dressed pretty much my entire childhood can be summed up by hideously awesome. SO many bad trends. I wonder what trend is happening right now that I will look back on and cringe? Looking forward to it.

Show Up

I want to show up. I want to show up for my family, my friends, my neighbors, and whoever else needs me. I don't know exactly how I'm going to do it, but I AM going to do it. Right now I feel like I'm going through the motions and it's weighing on my heart. Going with the ebb and flow of life, the ups and downs as they come, is all fine and dandy, but something is missing. I can't say I've figured out what is missing, but it's something.  How am I giving back? How am I looking out, instead of in? What am I choosing to focus on, to spend time on. I'm neither selfish nor generous. I'm just stuck in the middle. I want to be both. I want to be selfish and focus on my personal growth and self-love, but I also want to be generous with my my heart and my actions. I want to be needy, but I also want to be independent. It seems impossible, but I know it isn't.  As long as I don't create some unrealistic expectation of what all of this looks like, right? My heart tells me to stick with truth. Find my real truth. That's a tough one.  Maybe I won't like the truth. It can be a messy, scary, painful truth, but I believe it can also be abundantly beautiful. 

Here's to showing up.

We Can Do Hard Things... Together

 I actually started a new blog because I couldn't gain access to this one and I was so embarrassed about the epic fail for not blogging enough on this one.  But, I'm giving myself a pass now.  I find the need to give myself a pass pretty often these days.  Mom Guilt - I need a pass. Wife Guilt - Pass. Work Guilt - Pass. 

    There was a debate last night between Trump and Biden for the election coming up in November. It was a disaster and the biggest feeling I felt was sadness. Sadness for the state of our country, our leaders, our people, our economy. I know people make mistakes and poor decisions. That's called being human. What I care most about is the intention behind the statement or action. If the intention is right, but it doesn't play out as expected, I can deal with that. I find myself so many times asking what someone's true intentions are before I go judging whatever it is I feel entitled to judge (I'm working on this, okay?). If we took more time to study someone's intentions rather than the action or statement itself, I think we would find ourselves less offended, less hurt, less disappointed and the list goes on.

    I've started a new program to live a "healthy" lifestyle. The program so far has been full of more than just tips on eating. It focuses more on the psychology behind how we view ourselves, lies we tell ourselves, why we eat, and what we eat.  When you think about it, as humans, the more stressed, overworked, overtired, over-stimulated we get, the more unhealthy our habits become.  For so many of us, our eating habits fall right in place with the other unhealthy habits. But, I deserve better for myself. I deserve to feel comfortable with who I am and love all of me, not just parts of me.  I can tell myself this, but actually making this my reality is challenging.  It's not a fight with my negative, destructive thoughts and distortions... it's a war!  I CAN DO HARD THINGS. I love this phrase! I find myself repeating it many times a day.  I CAN DO HARD THINGS. I CAN DO HARD THINGS.

    Most importantly, if there is any change that I can pass on even a sliver of this "knowing" to my children, than it's worth it. I understand a little more now how God must feel when we berate and belittle ourselves. He must be asking us, "Why don't you see what I see?"  That's exactly what I ask of my children when those negative thoughts creep in on them. "Why don't you see what I see?" Maybe it's because we are so in tune with outsiders looking in, that we forget to be the insider looking out. We forget it all starts with the inside and we do influence how we are viewed by others. People see our joy, our insecurities, our pain, our fears. Those feelings and thoughts are projected in some way or many ways by our body language, our words, our actions, or just our willingness to welcome others into our little world. We can be surrounded by many and yet never really let anyone into our own world. We are lonely and yearn for love, companionship, acceptance and rest, but we push people away, sometimes without even realizing it. We are unapproachable and distant. Our vibe says, "Don't get too close. You won't like what you see and you'll want to get away." 

    There it is... that's what I want! I want my vibe to say. "Welcome." "I'm a mess sometimes. I'm always late. I am super forgetful. I procrastinate. I clean when I'm stressed or sad. I don't like to be touched often, but I like you close. Sometimes I don't want to talk, I just want to be. I make stupid jokes. I like animals, sometimes more than people. I don't like risks, scary movies, thrill rides or anything that takes me out of my comfort zone. I like to be comfortable. Hello? Have you seen my wardrobe? Conflict makes me very uncomfortable (back to my comfort zone). I have dry skin, grandma hands, and a stomach that literally and figuratively has weighed me down since childhood. I'm afraid of growing old. I worry about regrets and If I'd only thoughts. I worry and fidget and never relax. Does this sound like someone you'd like to be your friend?" 

    I wonder if God has put people into my life that would take all of these attributes which deem me unworthy of love and acceptance and said... "I love it! I love you! This is hilarious and real and I can completely relate." But, I missed it. I missed them or didn't acknowledge them. Did my vibe push them away? God puts his proverbial hand to his forehead and says "Maybe next time my dear."

    God, help  me to SEE and KNOW these people you bring into my life. Help others to SEE and KNOW all that is TRUE, GOOD, and BEAUTIFUL in me. Let my words and my actions say "Welcome to my world. Please stay. We've got this. We can do hard things. Together."

    

Back on the wagon!!!

First of all, how embarrassing.  I am obviously the worst blogger on the planet.  I guess my idea of blogging is what, once a year?  Niiiiiice.  I know Kylie is very disappointed in my blogging skills.  I think she is my one and only blog fan (or used to be).  So, this is for you Kylie... I'm jumping back in and will do my best to stay on top of it now.  I can't promise a new blog every week or every month, but by golly, I will do better than none (which is what I had for 2017).

I guess I'll use my first blog back on the wagon to do a recap of 2017.  That seems fitting since I completely missed the ENTIRE year. Ugh.

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE YEAR!!!

We built a new house! Woohooo! 

It was a year-long process and so worth it.  We LOVE our house and our neighborhood. Special bonus - Grandma Mary is right across the street! We have a BIG backyard (hopefully to put a pool in someday) and it is much more open and bright than our old house.  And, it's a shorter drive to school! This is when it snowed this Fall, but I love this pic!

We added another critter to our household. The sassy Miss Remi (short for Remington).

She is a TRUE cat. Very sassy, playful, self-centered and smart. She has a big tummy, but the rest of her is normal. I mean huge gut. We have no idea why, other than I'm pretty sure she eats the dog food too. She loves to play with little rival nerf balls and hair bands. She will scratch and bite you if you pet without consent. She LOVES drinking from faucets and is known to join us in the shower too. She cracks me up!

Kylie went to LLYC, started Middle School and became a cheerleader!

It is Kylie's first year at School of Logic and she loves it. She loves the freedom and getting to change classes. She got to cheer for school during football games and loved it! She was a great leader on the squad and really shines on the field. She has always been a natural performer! She spent two weeks at Laity Lodge Youth Camp and loved every second of it. She cried when we came to pick her up because she didn't want to leave. She got braces too! Of course, she is just as beautiful as ever:)

 Love this happy girl.

Chillin' at LLYC

 Come on Knights, Let's Go!

New braces and still beautiful!

With her little chapel buddy:)

Jackson Ralph started his first season with select baseball team YETI and went to his first overnight sports camp at TBarM! Our All-Star team from Oak Hill enjoyed playing together so much, we formed a select 8U ball team with YETI Baseball Club. It is a BUSY season, but we are enjoying watching Jackson play so much. He has become a leader and encourager to his teammates. He loves playing catcher and trying to rip some big hits. I love it! He loved his week at TBarM. It was a tough drop-off because it was scary not knowing anyone and being away from home for week, but I don't think that lasted long! 

Mission Impossible at TBarM

Sweet ring instead of a trophy! We have 3 now!

Champions!

Stud muffin

Carter James played tee ball for the first time and started Kindergarten at Regents! He has Mrs. Wise just like Jackson did in Kinder. He reads like a champ and loves being at the same school as his brother and sister.  He's still really into cars, so I took a picture of him with one of his favorites...a Dodge Charger!

First year of tee ball

 Fast and Furious!

Carter and Mrs. Wise

Not only did we celebrate 16 years of marriage, but Adam turned 40 in December! Thankfully I'm not quite there yet. He was super excited about it:)  We went to Chicago to see Jeff and Callie and watch the Bears play. We got to go out on the field for warm-up! Those guys are enormous!

Happy 40th Birthday!

Go Bears!

The Biehlers 2017

Scaring the Neighborhood!! Halloween 2016

Here we are, scaring the neighborhood!  Even Dad dressed up this year:)

This is Halloween,

This is Halloween,

Halloween,

Halloween, 

Everybody Scream!!!!!!

 Jackson as Kylo Ren

Kylie as Harley Quinn 

 Carter as Darth Vader

Me as Jack Skellington!

ZO, ZO, ZOEY!!!!

We picked up our furbaby on Saturday after a 5 hour drive to KNJ Boxers in Honey Grove, TX. We brought Gunner along to see his family too!  

Zoey is 8 weeks old, born on July 11th.  She is Gunner's half-sister, born to the same mom, Brandy. They are both brindle pups, with slight differences in their coloring.  Gunner is more dark than light and has completely white front legs and collar.  They both have silly, pointed heads and white back feet.  Both equally beautiful to us!!!

We have never had two dogs before, so this is all new to us! So far so good... Gunner seems to be enjoying his baby sister.  They aren't full of love just yet, but they are having fun playing chase, wrestle, and tug-of-war.  Zoey likes to instigate the rough play, but quickly realizes she is the underdog and finds a place to hide from Godzilla aka Gunner.

I am really looking forward to watching the two of them bond!  Double trouble for us! She fits right in to our crazy household!

Picking Zoey Up in Honey Grove!

Sitting in Dad's lap during our pit-stop.

First Photo Shoot!

Sleepy Heads:)

Life is Rufffff!

Missing you...

I had a dream that we were in the bleachers watching some event... not really sure what all was going on. It didn't really matter.  I looked at you and told you how much I missed you.  You gave me a big hug and told me everything was going to be okay.  

I love you dad.  Miss you terribly.

ROOOOOAAAARRRR.... THAT'S DINOSAUR FOR HAPPY 5TH CARTER!

Happy Birthday Carter James!!!

Not only was it his 5th birthday, it was also his first day of school.  It was actually the 2nd day of school, but the poor little dude had pink eye and missed his first day.

Hard to believe he is five years old.  It really is a measure of how fast time has gone. He has really grown in the last 6 months. He is starting to lean up and lose his baby chubs. Don't get me wrong, though, he still LOVES being the baby.  He can play that card all day long.  

Another great cake production by Grandma Debbie!  She is getting very creative. 

Doritos for the back plates:) Awesome.

Lots of Star Wars toys for this birthday! 

Darth Vader in the house:)

FACTS ABOUT CARTER AT FIVE YEARS:

• FAVORITE FOOD - Waffles, Pizza, Cheeseburgers. Not a single veggie. Not one.
• FAVORITE DRINK - Juice 
• FAVORITE TOYS - Cars, Transformers. PlayStation, Legos, pretty much anything Jackson plays with.
• WEIGHT - 48 pounds.
• HEIGHT - 43.5"
• SHOE SIZE - 12
• SPORT - Soccer
• BEST BUDDY - Cade Cherry

Kinder, 2nd Grade, and 6th Grade here we come!

It's going to be a great year.  The kids were excited to get back to school!

 Carter - Kinder - Bannockburn Christian Academy

Age: 4/5 (turned 5 on his 2nd day of school)

 Kylie - 6th Grade - Regents

Age: 11

 Jackson - 2nd Grade - Regents

Age: 7

Jackson and Mrs. Walter

I'll Fly Away

And in just four weeks after the diagnosis, my dad is gone. During those four weeks, each day was worse than the one before. He wanted to fight, he really did, but at some point the fatigue and pain became so overwhelming he had to choose comfort.  We all agreed it was the best choice. Through it, he had so many painful days, full of confusion and frustration.

But... he also had LOVE.  So much LOVE.  During the past month, he has never been alone. Either he was with my mom, my sister or me the entire time.  He wanted it that way.  It was no time to be alone. He wanted his family to be together, and we were.  We talked more than we have in a really long time, and more importantly, we laughed more than we had in a long time.

In the end, we all told him over and over how much we loved him and how proud we were of him.  I promised I would take care of his grandbabies and be the best mom I could be.  I would protect them and not take any chances.  He would always say, "I love you sugar. Don't take any chances." He was always so overprotective of his family, especially my mom and his girls.

On his last days, we played songs, and on one of his last days where he was awake, music was the one thing that would calm him down.  "I'll Fly Away" was always one of his favorites.  When we turned it on, his eyes opened up and he began to sing the words to the chorus.  What a glorious memory!  I'll never forget it.  We sang quite a few songs that day,,,songs about Heaven, about our walk with the Lord, and about the God's promises.

And now my hope lies in the true promise of Heaven. He has made his flight to be with our Heavenly Father.

Love you daddy,
Sugar

http://www.npwelch.com/obituary/william-roy-mahurin/

How to prepare...

I am sitting in The Christopher House with my dad. This house is a non-profit facility for Hospice patients. My how things have changed over the last few weeks.

My dad kept feeling that something wasn't right.  Every day it seemed like something new was bothering him. He landed in the Emergency Room a few times, sent home both times with no information, then back in the hospital, only to find out he had blood clots in his lungs. Not just blood clots... blood clots as a result of Lung Cancer.  Not just Lung Cancer, but Type 4 Metastatic that had spread to his liver. No cure. No surgery.

The next few days he actually seemed to rally a bit.  He got fluids, some pain meds, and actually started eating pretty well.  We're actually feeling optimistic.  His oncologist said he was a great candidate for chemo, and not the dreaded chemo that makes you crazy sick and lose your hair. He said he would do fine and have hardly any side effects.  It seemed like everything moved in slow motion though. Doctors, more doctors, chemo teach, and finally he gets the port for his chemo.  Port on Monday, start chemo the following Thursday.

Not so fast. Sunday after the placed my dad woke up extremely agitated and confused.  He was in so much pain in his side and back.  He was hot and cold.  He wanted to walk, but yet it hurt to walk. For 72 hours this goes on.  He doesn't sleep and he hardly eats.  He is weak, exhausted and confused.

We head back to the oncologist who then says he is is in no shape for chemo at this point. How in the world did we get here so fast? We tell him we are no longer able to care for him alone and we need help.  He has to decide... does he want to be comfortable and out of pain, or stay the course and see if he can rally enough to maybe get treatment.  He chooses comfort and rest and we agree.  It's not a choice to give up, but a choice to avoid as much suffering as possible.

Each day he slips away more and more from us.  I am anxious for him to be free of this pain and suffering, however, I know what that freedom means.  It means he is free from this body, the one who has is failing.  Free from my sight, but never free from my heart.

I am thankful for this time, even if I just sit and listen to him snoring.  Someday, all too soon, I will miss that snore.

Jackson Turns 7 and One Crazy Summer so far...

Well, I guess it really is July already. Dang. I guess this summer has been so crazy that the time has flown by without much notice.  It finally got Texas HOT here.  It's so funny how we complain about the heat like we've never experienced it before.  I told Adam I think it's because we forget just how freakin' hot and steamy it gets here.

We celebrated big man's birthday on Memorial Day Weekend. In lieu of a friend party (yessss!) he decided he wanted to go to San Antonio to Fiesta TX for the weekend.  We got a room and hit the park for two days! It was a blast.  We're kicking ourselves for not buying the dining plan they offered.  I thought there was no way we'd spend that much money on food.  Hilarious.  You're dying of thirst and they know it.  That'll be $8.00 for a drink, please!  Oh, you're hungry too?  That'll be $10 for that pretzel. Ha! Thank goodness it's healthy, fresh food though (insert smirk here).

Kylie is the dare-devil, so her and Adam got a fast-pass to ride all the stupid, I mean, fun roller-coasters that twisty,turney, upside-downy.  Nope. Not this one.  I'm fine right here with my two little guys. We rocked those kiddie rides though.  And it was fun, so whatever.  The rides with heights I don't mind.  Goes fast, I don't mind.  Goes upside down... I'm out. 

We went home on his actual birthday and he had a surprise waiting for him in the yard!!!

To finish the celebration, we had a swimming party at Grandma and Big Pa's house! Camo party, and of course a sweet camo cake made by Grandma Debbie.

Happy Birthday Big Guy! You have my heart forever and ever!!!

Spring Sports Spectacular!

Another round of Spring sports are in the books!

Jackson played lacrosse for his very first season with the Regents 1st grade team and improved so much over the past few months. His coaches are legit lacrosse coaches and dads, too.  It is such a fun sport to watch! I hope he decides to give it a go again next year. This kid has much potential. 

Go Knights!

 He chose #12... always the 12th man:)

Carter played his second season with Team Brazil! He's still not too sure what he thinks about it yet. He actually likes practices more than games, which seems kinda strange to me. When he was feeling good and wanting to play, he was a rockstar. He's quick and he's tough! I can see him becoming quite the athlete if he sticks with it!