Kylie and Mom at competition.
Weeeeeeee.... love these moments!
We spend so much time planning for tomorrow, don't we? We tend to get lost in our plans, ambitions, and goals that we forget about today. I know I do that. I am thinking I have it all down. My life is going pretty well... I have two kiddos whom I adore, a husband who I've loved since childhood, and family and friends who are a true blessing. I have a job that allows me to work from home and still be involved in my kiddos lives more than I would be working away from home. I love our church and we are making some great friends through it and through Regents (Kylie's school).
So, I imagine the conversation a little like this...
"God, it's me Becky. I know, I know. I haven't been spending as much time with you lately. But, there's so much to be done. Just not enough hours in the day. I'm a hard-working mom and it is just exhausting! I'll do better I promise."
God..."Becky, you seem to say this to me every time we talk. When are you going to stop making excuses and stop planning. I AM the plan. I AM your life. I AM the way. What do I have to do to make you understand that?"
"But God, I think I have it all figured out if you'll just humor me here. If we can just make this much money. If we can just have this much time. If I can just do this with my kids. Yada, yada, yada (as I'm sure God hears it at this point)."
God... "Okay Becky, here's the deal. You can spend all the time you want planning, but you WILL see, that my plan is the greatest and it will trump your plan any day. So guess what? I'm going to make it so blatantly obvious that you are NOT in control that you simply will not be abe to ignore it. How does that sound?"
And so HE has, and as anxious as I tend to get when things don't go as I have planned, in some way it is so incredibly humbling to know that the pressure of being in control of my own life is somewhat lifted. Don't get me wrong, it makes me crazy anxious. I'm a worrier. Anyone that knows me well can tell you that. But, it's hard for me to even admit that. Worrying is a lack of faith, period. We worry because we don't have faith that God is in control and knows better than we do. We worry because we are afraid we can't cope with what life brings us. I know this will be a life-long struggle for me to not worry, but I am so grateful to recognize now what it means and why it's so harmful. So, I will continue to work through it every day of my life. I know I will stumble, probably many times. But, I also know God will be there to pick me up every time, without fail.