Thursday, February 19, 2015

Facing the hard truths...

One of the hardest things to deal with can be reality hitting you smack dab in the face.  Here's our reality... our sweet Harley girl has been fighting lymphoma now for about 7 months.  When we got the diagnosis we were shocked, sad, mad, and so many emotions.  We were also sure it was not her time to go.  She was still running, playing, eating, and all the other things our Harley girl does.  She doesn't look sick! Much less like she is dying...

We made the decision to start her on treatment almost immediately.  We were not going to give up on her yet.  No way.  It's been a long 7 months of weekly doctor visits, lots of medicine, special food, watching poops (yes, you heard me), and lots of love.

Our current reality is the cancer is starting to take over.  We feel we are no longer winning at keeping it at bay.  Her white blood cell count has been too low to do chemo for the past few visits which has given the tumors even more time to grow.  She sleeps quite a bit, walks pretty slow and her feet slip on the tile.  She's peaceful and loved.  She gets fresh chicken and meat any time she wants it. She gets kisses and rubs all the time.  She's getting our love and we'll keep giving it to her until she tells us she's done fighting.

Our hearts are broken and we've shed many tears over these past 7 months for this dog who has blessed our lives immensely for 11 years. The fact is, I'll never be ready to say goodbye.  I can't imagine working at my desk without her lying by my side, or following us into every room we go into, or thumping her water bowl when I haven't noticed it's gone dry.  Lonely. 

We have another visit on Monday to see if she's well enough to get chemo. I'm hoping for the best, but in my heart I feel it's not going to be what we want to hear.  I don't know for certain how much longer she will be here, but I plan to make every day count.

I love you Harley girl. Always.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Bad Blogger Award Goes To.... ME!!!

Ugh, my heart sank a bit when I logged into this blog only to see I hadn't blogged since June. I am sad because these days seem to fly by so quickly and I want to remember everything! Well, maybe not everything, but I want to have this to look back (or for my kids to look back on) to see all the fun, crazy, happy, sad, (enter many more adjectives here) moments we are living in now.

I'm not going to beat myself up about it though... it has been a very challenging year trying to create that so-called work-life balance.  Geez.  Balance.  I like that word.  It sounds so nice and peaceful doesn't it?  Okay, so back to my crazy year now of not-so-balanced, peaceful moments!  I think my biggest apology goes to Miss Kylie, who has even told me she would be my editor if I needed help keeping up with my blog.  She loves to read them:) Considering my kids are the reason I do this blog, that makes me happy!

I guess I have to do somewhat of a quick rundown of where are we now so I can get this show back on the road and get back to blogging regularly!

One of my favorite things to do is think about each of my kiddos and what I love most about them right now, today.  Of course, there are so many things I love about them every day, but I'm sure I can narrow it down a bit:)

Kylie... she just turned 10 years old a week ago! An entire decade, so she likes to call it. Hard to believe my little girl is in the double digits. She continues to amaze me in so many ways. I don't think she even realizes how many gifts God has blessed her with.  Don't get me wrong, she is quite the confident young lady, but her gifts are abundant and so clearly from our gracious Father. Her grades continue to be amazing, although the workload for 4th grade has definitely picked up quite a bit. In fact, she is working on making her own Renaissance dress right now and sewing it by hand! What? So awesome. She continues to ride horses and loves it immensely, play piano, sing, and even took up the UIL version of Spelling competition.  Oh yeah, and soccer starts in 2 weeks!  This girl is crazy talented and committed. Watching her brings me the utmost joy. My heart swells each time I see her practice and perform.  Sky's the limit for this girl!

Jackson, my big boy 5 year old... he is still our biggest challenge in regards to behavior and listening. He still loves for me to get him dressed, brush his teeth, and just about anything else I will do for him.  Having Ms. Bobbi for his Pre-K class last year really accelerated his love for learning, which I have to admit I was initially concerned about it. He is now reading at a 1st grade level!!!  I get a kick (pun intended) out of watching him play soccer.  It is the coolest thing ever to watch your kid play sports! Every kick or goal makes my heart swell with pride!  He LOVES playing video games with Adam, or sometimes just watching him play!  It's been a rough year in regards to adjusting to Kindergarten. I'll be honest, when I get progress reports with Ns for Listening, Self-Control, and Obeys Rules, it is the most defeated feeling. I want so badly for him to do what he is asked, but I'm not there with him to make sure he's on task and listening. I think it's starting to create self-doubt in my little guy and my heart breaks for him. I am committed to this boy! I will love him through this and he will be victorious!  God is in control of my sweet boy's future and I will continue to pray for wisdom and guidance on how I can be the best mom for Jackson.

Carter.  Coolest little three year old ever!!!I have to find pictures of his birthday and write a post on it.  It was awesome.  Here's a hint... there was definitely some naked inflatable water sliding going on!  He did so well in school and has been learning his letters like a champ.  He is extremely articulate and yet he still makes us giggle all the time with his mis-pronunciations!  Avengers = Kavengers,  Yellow = Lellow,   Remote = Kamote.  I'll have to think of the other ones, but those popped in my head right away.  He's been accepted into the BCA Pre-K program.  It's a bit of a risk since he is so young, but he will have the same amazing teacher Jackson had. We have the utmost confidence in her ability to adapt to Carter's needs. The girls REALLY love our Carter.  He's so endearing and those big, brown eyes will melt anyone's heart. Every, single day he looks at me and says "I love you mommy" and will rub his little head on me. He loves hugs and affection and it can make even my darkest day bright! Thank you God for this little boy who brings the sweetest love to my heart. He loves trucks, trains, planes (you get the picture), swinging, jumping, and driving his sweet police car around the yard. He continues to be the pickiest eater of all three.  He eats no fruits or veggies, except for bananas. I can probably name the foods he eats on both hands. It makes coming up with school lunch just about the hardest thing ever. Ugh... please Lord help him grow to love more variety in his diet!!! I have to warn his teachers at the beginning of the year to not judge my mothering skills on his school lunches. How embarrassing. Kids are so humbling aren't they? Ha!

Harley. It's hard to even know what to say about my sweet Harley. She's been fighting lymphoma now for 7 months. When we got the diagnosis in July, my grief began and it continues.  Now, we know she is not getting better.  Her tumors are much bigger and spreading. She hasn't had chemo in 4 weeks because her white blood cell count is too low.  Every week without chemo means more tumor growth.  She pants almost all the time and tires very easily.  Her appetite is still ferocious, which is a good sign. She's gained 8 pounds since July! I wish she could tell us what she's feeling.  I wish she could tell us what her wishes are!  We have said since the beginning that once we don't see our Harley anymore, we'll know it's time.  Once her little nubbin' quits wagging, once she doesn't show us her toofes, once she doesn't beg for treats all day, and once she doesn't want to participate in whatever we are doing, we'll know.  God help us when the time comes. When she's gone, a piece of my heart will go with her. She has brought us more love and joy than I ever realized a pet could give. Until the time comes, I will continue to hug her and look her in the eye and tell her how amazing she is and how much I love her. She knows though. I can tell. I think that's why she's fighting so hard....devoted until the very end.

Adam. He just started with a new mortgage company and has jumped in very quickly to a demanding position. It was an amazing opportunity he couldn't pass up. I am so proud of all he has done to get to this point, and I know he is up for the challenge. He is crazy intelligent and extremely efficient in his work. I know God will honor his hard work. Now, if we can just get an office closer to home, it will be the PERFECT situation!  We went out to Chuy's last night, followed up by Esther's Follies and a little Pete's Piano Bar.  It was a really fun night, and I am thankful we got to have a little Valentine outing together! Sometimes I think we forget how it all started with just the two of us! We forget how "we" were before we became a family. It's good to get out and remember who we are as husband and wife!!! I am thankful for his love and his constant effort to show me and tell me how much he loves me. I am a lucky lady!